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Church

Church

From the point I was a baby until the age of early 15 my mother and father would take me to church every Sunday. I hated this ritual because as a child I couldn't comprehend the lecture and when I began school it meant one less day I could have slept in and worked on school work. I got to sleep more than 6 hours only once a week while kids not religiously devoted got two times a week. I'm sure this had an impact on my schoolwork and the progress I made, but that goes too far into analysis. Aside from not comprehending what our preacher James was saying my mother didn't sing during the praise, neither did my brother or sister, so when I got to age to sing I kept silent. It was as if one of us were to sing and try and connect spiritually with God the other family members would taunt and laugh at them. The cruelty that ran in my family was never ending. Aside from being barely able to stay awake during the lecture I also had to go to Sunday School before James' sermon. I don't really remember learning anything in those years, I just read the parts they wanted me to read, I held no faith or belief, I was just doing the role like a child being a student.

During these youthful years Harry Potter would become popular to where there were three or four books available at our school library and they qualified for a ridiculous amount of AR points, so I began reading the series. Referencing back again to only having one day off. Instead of going to the church service when I was 7-8 my brother and sister sat in a Sunday school room and waited for it to be concluded rather than engage, just messing around with the toys there. When I wanted to read Harry Potter in the room to try and get ahead my mother wouldn't allow it given the ignorance of that time getting a fantasy book about magic goes against the will of God.

I call back to the age of 7 being the first time I was so overwhelmed with school and expectations that I wanted to commit suicide and halfheartedly attempted. One day when my usual Sunday School teacher wasn't there I had another church member female that did the lesson of the day with me. At the end of the lesson she told me I had homework to memorize every book of the bible by next Sunday. This made me break down into tears because I knew it would take hours and hours and I couldn't handle that with school, it was too much. At the end she told me I didn't have to memorize them and my tears stopped. It was just so very hard, trying to succeed, giving it everything you can, and only are scolded when done wrong, never praised when done right.