Searching- A saga ✔

65- His love....

And then there are the other days,
When I barely have the strength,
To even get up from bed,
Let alone, a makeover.

When I feel a feather touch,
Along my jaw bone, whispers,
Over my skin and tickles,
That graze past my ear pinna.

I'd roll my eyes and wrap myself,
With the bed sheets, tighter,
To prevent Him from enticing,
Me to wake up and begin.

Those are hard days,
Depression percolates into my physique,
And living feels like a curse,
Only an ocean of tiredness remains.

I'd feel Him at the foot of the bed,
Speaking soothing words,
Bribing me to look at Him,
And I'd tell that He is invisible.

Then He'd tease me and ask me,
For the Hibiscus that blooms in my garden,
And I'd ask Him to go pluck them Himself,
Isn't He omnipotent and all?

A sad sigh escapes His lips at that,
And then He says that He is leaving,
Well. That does the magic.
Within a second, I am next to Him.

Twisting His immortal ear.
And ask Him what the hell that was about.
He laughs and runs upstairs.
I follow Him, shaking my head.

We enter the mess hall, crowded.
Nausea builds behind my throat.
I only ate for survival, those days.
And then I'd see the butter...

Just because I didn't eat,
It didn't mean He had to starve as well.
So I scoop a copious amount into a bowl.
And sit on a nearby table.

I see students staring at me,
Who sits at the breakfast table,
With a bowl filled with butter,
In front of them?

I search for Him: He had disappeared.
Burying my head in my hands,
I sit there with no hope in life,
I was simply existing these days.

When a slight nudge jars me back to reality,
I push the bowl towards Him,
Without looking at Him,
Tired of all this....

I feel His presence envelop me,
Like cocooning me in a cool warmth,
Eat, I tell Him.
Eat, I feel Him repeat.

What, now? I still don't look up.
I won't eat as long as you don't. He says.
Please eat. I repeat.
You eat dosa and I'll eat butter.

I don't feel like eating. I say.
Me neither. He says with a smirk.
Kanha, please....
Love, please....

Fine. I mutter as I feel His smile.
Ladies first. He purrs.
I roll my eyes and begin eating.
He joins me and digs into His butter.

I enter my room, a while later,
My mind still empty of thoughts
A gaping hole looming at me,
And an exhaustion beyond imagination.

As I climb onto my bed, I feel Him behind.
Maybe you should bathe, Priye.
Not in the mood, Milord.
Then I'll bathe you myself.

Before He finishes however,
A jug of water topples right on me,
Oh Narayan! Save me.
Narayan is saving you, love.

I glare at no one in particular.
But still sit, tired to even get up.
Let alone, change or take a bath.
Do you want me to help you remove your dress?

I get up to pull His ear again,
And my dress catches on the post,
And tears through my side,
Blood rushing I run into the washroom.

As I shut the door closed, I hear Him laugh,
Have a nice bath, dear.
Your salwar is hung on the door knob.
You are such a ....

After washing, I tie my hair in a bun.
And apply the Tilak on my forehead.
Kajal? He whispers.
No thanks. Looking great already.

Your hair looks like a bird's nest.
I do not care. I tell Him, exasperated.
I do. I hear Him say.
A breeze whispers past undoing my hair.

Oh my God! I swear.
Called me, love?
Making a face I start plaiting my undone curls.
Now that's better, isn't it?

Much better. I tell Him sarcastically.
You forgot the kajal. He repeats again.
Okay, fine. Don't do anything now,
I say, as I apply the kohl over my eyes.

See, now you're ready for class.
Panic builds inside me.
My heart seems to stop.
And tears warm my eyes.

I feel Him drape an arm around me,
Pulling me into an embrace,
Look at me, darling.
Panic builds inside me and I tremble.

His embrace engulfs my soul,
And my heart seems to stop,
Look here. He whispers.
And I oblige trying not to sob.

I don't want this world. This life.
Life is sucking the life out of me, Milord.
I don't want..
Shhh.. He mutters.

I am always there, remember?
Yes you are. My very reason for existence.
Then for me will you live through this?
For you I'll even walk through fire.

Then get ready. Let's go to class.
Don't you have other jobs Milord?
Aren't you the Lord of Universe?
He laughs seeing my incredulity.

You do know what I am capable of?
And you do know that I love you?
I just look at Him open mouthed.
And hug Him tighter.